Hello to anyone reading my erratic little blog.  For those of you who celebrate Christmas, I hope you had a lovely day however it was spent.  I think for many of us, the aim is to enjoy some time with our loved ones. 

I worked Christmas Day and Boxing Day this year which was a first for me. I’m now living 1350 km’s away from my family so it was the first time ever I have been away from family.  I exchanged text messages with them all before I headed off to work, not quite the same as phone calls but given we were all getting ready to be somewhere else, it worked for the meantime.

My sons all got together at home for breakfast with their wives, girlfriends and children.  One of my sons managed to get everyone together and take a photo of them all which they then emailed to my work.  It absolutely made my day!!  The seemingly little things can have such a big heartfelt impact.

Work was rather quiet as it turned out, so I managed to have a productive planning day before heading home to enjoy a brief rest then going to a friend’s place for dinner.  Their home was warm and welcoming, with Christmas decorations about, their dog was extremely excited to see me and with some festive food for dinner, it felt a little more like Christmas for me.  She and I later sat in the pool, which was more like a big warm bath, for an hour or so and chatted about anything and everything. 

I came home and was able to speak with one of my sons by phone and another friend called to wish me Merry Christmas, so it rounded out my day nicely.  Even though I physically wasn’t able to be with my loved ones, it still felt like I’d enjoyed their presence during the day.

I felt very blessed as I have two friends who find this time of year difficult due to each losing a child just before Christmas in recent years.  This year in Australia, we also saw a rather horrific lead up to Christmas with a siege in Sydney where two people lost their lives and later the same week, 8 children were murdered by a woman who was mother to 7 and aunt to the 8^th. 

My workplace was very affected by this as one of the children was the niece of a colleague.  Then I had word this morning (Boxing Day here) that another colleague lost her partner to cancer in the very early hours.  It reminds me of how much I have to be truly grateful for and how important it is to appreciate every day.

Of course not all days are going to be good days, but I believe each day we wake up breathing is a new day, a blessing in itself and we have a whole 24 hours in which to find something that makes us smile and feel a sense of gratitude and happiness.  Even if things are not going so well, it may be something simple that we can appreciate. 

I generally tend to be a more positive type of person but there was a time when I didn’t always feel this way.  I eventually came to realise that my happiness was my own responsibility and a choice that I could make every day.  I choose to be happy and have a positive outlook on life. 

I know there is tough stuff, I’ve experienced it and no, it’s certainly not fun.  But when I spend time stuck in that or dwell on it for long periods of time, then I don’t feel good and it can sometimes be hard to move those feelings.

I was recently in New Zealand.  I travelled over alone and had a day or two where I would have loved some company, so was feeling a little flat.  I called my Mum to see how she was going.  My Mum is in the early-mid stages of dementia and is in a nursing home.  During a lucid moment, Mum was asking me about what I’d seen.  She knows how much I love NZ and then she said, next time you go over, can you please take me with you and show me all your favourite places.

This makes my eyes well up even to type it now.  I would so love to be able to do this but both Mum and I know it’s not going to happen as she is not well enough to manage such a trip.  Mum has wanted to go to NZ and England for as long as I can remember, yet here she is in the sunset years of her life with regrets for the things she didn’t find a way to do. 

I have had an awareness for some time now that I need to follow my dreams, do the things I want to do and not be put off because I’m a middle aged single woman, because life is way too short.  This conversation with Mum really struck a chord with me.  I could hear the grief and regret in her voice and I don’t want to get to the end of my life with those types of regrets.  It has made me all the more determined to actively work towards doing the things I want to do and seeing the places I want to see.  To find a way to make them happen.

So that is my little piece of wisdom for what it’s worth today.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, we only get one shot at it, so enjoy it as much as you can.  Soak up all the experiences, the good and the not so good, learn from them, grow from them, make new memories with those you care about, see the things you want to see and experience the things you want to experience. 

And in among all that, I wish you much happiness and joy!

Well I thought I would try and get one more post in for the year!  Hehe.. hmm what can I say? The regular part of blogging hasn't been quite so regular this year.  Perhaps I can use an observation I shared with my work team on a number of occasions in relation to constant changes in our work space and govt policy.... the consistency is there is no consistency (kind of fits for me and blogging this year huh!), things are always changing and we have to adapt with them. Basically hang on for the ride or get left behind. So while I'm on the topic of change, there has been plenty happening in my life since last I wrote.  

Work - big BIG changes!  I came north to Townsville to do a 6 week secondment in a completely new program area.  I'd put in an expression of interest because there was a little uncertainty around a tender outcome for the program I was working in and I thought experience in a different area may be a good thing, should I need to be seeking work elsewhere later down the track.

Long story short, I ended up applying for the permanent role up here after the tender outcome arrived (not a positive outcome) and was successful.  This meant moving 1350 km's north and only having a weekend to find a place to live.  I was lucky enough to find a little granny flat with a wonderful landlady straight away.  I'm still in the process of sorting/packing/moving/winding things up in Brisbane but have until mid April to complete that which has been good.

The new job is essentially a promotion and a totally new program area to learn. It's been a challenging but rewarding space to work in and I will have my work cut out for me for a little while to come. I feel very blessed to have found a role that created a fairly smooth transition for me.

New town - I'm starting to feel a little more settled here and am enjoying the exploring part of being in a new place.  The weather has been quite warm as we head into summer, so that has slowed down the exploring a little, but expect it to ramp up once the cooler weather returns.

Social life - I have a social life!!!  I have enjoyed a couple of trips to the theatre with a friend and her husband who live up here.  Both fun nights out and a nice way to begin in a new town.  My landlady has also taken me along to a quaint little family run cinema which I've since attended again.  It's a great place and far nicer than the bigger cinema's.  I've also just joined a book club that my friend is involved with so will be going along to that in the new year.

Dating - Can you believe it?  I've even done a little dating since I've been up here!  I was set up on a blind date with a young friend's father.  Our first date was to dinner and a Black Sorrows concert.  Since then we've spent a little time together and he's taken me to explore some of the area north of here.  Lovely man and a nice friendship has grown there.

Friends - As I mentioned above, I have a friend here who I worked with in a volunteer organisation for a number of years.  I've been out to dinner with them and to the theatre a couple of times.  I also have a friend living up here that I went to school with interstate.  I hadn't seen her for over 20 yrs and we caught up a couple of months ago.  We haven't yet managed to catch up again, but the plan is there to do so.  I had another friend come visit me from the Calliope area and while he was here, we went across and explored Magnetic Island.  So it's all happening!

Family - I miss them dearly and can't wait to see them again late January. Thank goodness for phone calls, text messages and emails!  Not to mention being able to send photo's by text.  Youngest son is still healing from the accident I'd mentioned in previous posts and is having to look at a career change.  He loved his time in the snow and is hoping to go back for more next year.  

My brother was married for the first time on his 50th birthday and given I now live much closer up here in the tropics, I was able to attend.  I also had the opportunity to catch up with my friend.. the one who was busy trying to set me up with her Dad at the time. I was able to see my Dad and one of my cousins at the wedding which was a lovely small garden affair.  Sadly, Mum's mind is deteriorating a little more but I'm looking forward to seeing her again in January when I go down.

Writing - one thing about moving and wanting to keep in touch with loved ones. It's reminded me of a favourite past time I used to have.. writing letters!!  So I've been doing a little of that since coming up here and am thoroughly enjoying it.  Also have a few ideas floating for other writing projects but need to put those ideas down on paper and get moving on them.

Holidays - I already had plans for annual leave before moving up here and wasn't sure that I'd be able to actually go away anywhere given the unexpected move.  However, it all fell neatly into place and I was able to enjoy a week back in the south island of NZ.  Sadly, I had to cancel the retreat I'd planned to run in NZ for reasons beyond my control.  It was lovely to still be able to go over there though and do a little exploring of area's I hadn't previously seen, along with re-visiting some of my favourite places.  I hope to spend some time living over there in a few years, so will no doubt have a few trips over between now and then.

And I think that's about it for the quick catch up version!  The pic I've added today was taken at Wivenhoe Dam when I took my Brisbane team out on a team building afternoon, not too long before I came up to Townsville. Such a lovely restful place.

Hello again!  

I've been missing in action for a little while and yep, there's definitely been some action in these parts.  

i thought I might make this post a follow up one about my son who is currently down working the ski season in NSW.  

He amazes me that young man and his determination blows me away.  As I mentioned previously, he went down while still in plaster.  The start of the ski season ended up being delayed for 2 weeks and his new employers had agreed to a later start date for him.  

When he told his Work Cover person that he was bored, they negotiated with his new employer to put him on light duties that he could do until he had a full clearance.  My son was delighted with this!  

The weekend before he was due out of plaster, they had a blizzard and he and his girlfriend went out to capture some footage of the snow.  During his exploring of the snow, he managed to get his plaster wet so ended up cutting it off that night.  

He saw his specialist the next day and started physio the same week. Between physio and the gym, where he is working with a former olympic skier (who operates the gym), his foot is improving slowly but surely. 

He has also learnt how to snowboard (I know, I was a bit alarmed about that too when it was so soon after) and has taken to it like a duck to water.  He loves it!  And has been sending a steady stream of beautiful snow pics from on top of Mt Kosiousko. 

He's enjoying it so much, he's applied for a job to work the ski season in Japan and thinks he might like to work a few ski seasons in various places.  I think it's safe to say he has the travel bug!  

Well that's it from me today.  I will aim to be back sooner rather than later! Have a great week :)

Well hello!  How's things in your neck of the woods?  Is everything honky dory or are there a few speed bumps you are currently navigating around?  The speed bumps in life can make it interesting and sometimes frustrating.  

I remember when I lived in Central Queensland, some of the roads up there are very long straight roads and we used to joke that they had the odd curve in the road here and there to keep you awake.  I think speed bumps in life can be a little like that too.  Sometimes there to make us sit up and pay attention for whatever reason.  

My youngest son has been a fine example to me of determination and not letting things like life's speed bumps get in the way of his plans.  He has had a few accidents in the last couple of years, 3 of them involving significant injuries, one of which needed surgery twice.  In between those accidents, there was another one where he was unhurt but the vehicle he was driving was a write off.  

He is one very fortunate young man.  Despite his injuries, he has not been willing to take on board the word 'no' or the words 'it is unlikely you will be able to do ...... again'.  He was worked very hard with his recoveries to get his body back in the best condition it can be.  

He spends a lot of time in the gym and has managed to recover far better than expected from two of the accidents.  If he misses a couple of days, then he feels the effects very quickly, so he is aware that he needs to keep up the work in the gym in order to stay moving.

The 3rd accident causing injury was only a few weeks ago.  This time he is in plaster with a shattered heel.  He was due to start work next week down at Thredbo for the ski season, however, he has a few more weeks in plaster yet and we're unsure how soon he'll be able to walk or weight bear on that heel.

One may have expected that would have stopped him from going down to Thredbo.  But no.  There was no way he wasn't going to go.  So over the weekend, he and his girl packed up their gear and yesterday drove from Brisbane to Sydney and today went to their little unit they will be living in for the next few months.

He called his new employer last week to let them know of his accident and he was very happy when they decided to hold his job open for him until he has a clearance to work.  His plan had been to look for other work if he needed to but he was determined to not miss this opportunity when he'd already done so much planning for it.

For me at the moment, this has been a good reminder to not lose sight of my dreams.  To not let the busyness of my working life, the speed bumps or curves in the road and the self doubts I have about what I want to do outside of that (retreats etc) get in the way of me achieving my dreams.  

I guess this follows on a little from the procrastinating post in a way.  I remember a tutor once giving me a little picture of a celtic looking circle with the word Tuit at the top.  It was a reminder to keep working on our dreams, rather than waiting for the day when we get around 'tuit' or to it.  

Although as I mentioned in my previous post, one thing I have got around to doing was taking an Italian class.  I've now had two classes and am thoroughly enjoying them!  I'm so glad I made that impulsive last minute decision to join the class.

Today's pic is of my son's cast.  As a reminder that we can still follow our dreams if we find a way to navigate the obstacles.

I thought I'd talk about procrastination today.  Is this something you are familiar with? Is it something you find yourself doing? I have to admit to being a world class procrastinator.  I could have written the book on procrastination, but if I'd had the chance, I'd have probably procrastinated for too long to do so.

Mind you, I don't procrastinate with all things, but definitely some things. And the really frustrating thing is that often the things I am procrastinating about, are the things I really want to do or achieve, things that are sometimes very important to me.  

And yet, I procrastinate.  Sometimes for no good reason and other times there are valid reasons for me not getting moving with whatever it is I have in mind, but those valid reasons can also be mixed with a pinch of procrastination as well.

I have a few things that I've been procrastinating on and they are driving me nuts.  I know I'm my own worst enemy with this, but I'm reminded of a friend saying (actually she wrote a book about it), nothing changes if nothing changes.

For some of the things I'm procrastinating on, this saying fits perfectly!! Actually, it could probably fit anything to do with procrastinating when you stop and think about it.

Ok.. so the things I've been procrastinating on?  The biggies.  Changing my lifestyle in order to become healthier.  I've talked about it, I've started it, I've stopped doing what I was doing, I've started again, but I've not been consistent.  

Some of this has been due in part to other factors, such as being ill (I've had a couple of nuisance value things that have made me feel very unwell at times and have had fatigue go hand in hand with it), working long hours, and some old trauma coming back to re-visit.

However, realistically, I still could have worked around these things in some shape or form.  Particularly when it comes to moving.  As in exercise.  I know I'm doing baby steps and at times I make a really concerted effort, but I need to be more consistent.

I know walking always makes me feel good and while I am doing some, I'm not setting a consistent or habitual time frame so it's a bit hit and miss.  That said, I'm aiming to do at least a 10-15 minute walk a few times a week and I'm generally achieving that.  But if 10-15 mins is all I'm going to do, then I'd rather be doing that on a daily basis.

I know this also helps immensely when dealing with trauma.  Yet on a day when I'm struggling with that, which tends to be more when I actually stop and then find my thoughts drifting, I find I'm hermiting whereas it would be helpful not only from a health perspective, but also for my peace of mind for me to walk.  I know this from past experience, but sometimes I can't seem to get out of my own way to do it.

The other biggie is my retreat stuff.  Part of this is because I'm often so dang tired when I get home from work, that concentrating for long periods of time is the last thing I want to do.

Yet I could work around this by setting small tasks a couple of nights a week, or put an hour or two aside over the weekend.  Break it down into manageable chunks.  Basically, I'm really needing to get my message out there in a much bigger way very soon!!

And I'm not even going to start on the de-cluttering projects I want to do around here or the painting I'm wanting to do on canvas.  Both things I find therapeutic, yet procrastination comes up once again.

That said, there are things I am doing and I guess they have helped ease the trauma related stuff.  I've been doing a little gardening on the weekends.  I probably spend maybe half to an hour each weekend and have done a little tidying up, planted some seedlings and some potted plants.  

I did a belly cast last weekend even though it was the last thing I felt like doing.  The flip side of that is, I always enjoy it once I start and it's not like it takes a terrible long time.  

I have written a couple of letters which is also something I enjoy doing, so that's been good.  I've also done a little cooking which is also a standby when I'm wanting to switch off.

And although I've said I procrastinate about moving regularly, I have started parking my car a block further down the hill for work, so I'm getting a walking there and there are days when I'm walking at lunch time.  Just a short walk but it's a walk I wasn't doing previously.  My team had a meeting at a coffee shop a little further away and I walked the long way back.

A couple of evenings when I've felt somewhat stressed at the end of the day, I've gone out to the waterfront and walked along the jetty.  Again, not a long walk but a walk just the same.

I need to be more consistent about it all though.  Both the walking and taking more notice of what I put in my mouth.  Rather than just grabbing whatever because I'm too tired to be bothered to cook something when I get home from work at night.  

But in among all of this, I have actually got up and done something I have wanted to do for a long time.  Admittedly it was on impulse but it meant that it happened and I've made a good start.  

I've been wanting to take Italian classes for a few years now and a couple of times have just missed out on a class, yet haven't put my name down for the next one.  

Just over a week ago, I found an email in my inbox saying there were vacancies available in the next round of classes that were starting in 5 days time and would run over 8 weeks.  So just like that, I booked in and paid for it.  Then gulped because it wasn't exactly affordable just then and there, but it was too late, I'd already booked and paid. So last Wednesday night I had my first class and loved it.

Anyways, I fully recognise that I need to become a little more consistent about things and perhaps that means I need to plan a little more.  My weight is still yo-yo-ing and is currently up again.  

I feel very uncomfortable and know that I need to do something about it sooner rather than later.  And please don't think I'm a slim girl whinging.  I'm a long way from slim, not even in the same ball park as slim and to get to slim, will take a lot of hard work, effort and time.  It will not be a thing that happens over a few weeks.  It's also something that I cannot afford to procrastinate over, as it is affecting my health.  

And I guess that's what gives me the irrits the most over this whole procrastination thing.  The fact that it happens with the things that matter the most to me.  That's probably a whole other topic itself to get underneath the how's and why's of it.  

So for now I finish with acknowledging the good things, the walking that I am doing, the fact I've finally enrolled into Italian classes, and the time I'm spending in my garden.  

I use a checklist on the weekends and I'm generally reasonably good at doing the majority of things I put on it.  So I've added an extra one to plan my goals for this week and to make them achievable goals.  I'll check in again around this next week.

Tonight's pic is another taken in NZ.

Hello to any readers lurking out there!

I've had a little quiet time of late, so haven't posted for a couple of weeks. There has been lots happening as always, but I've also had some time dealing with a past trauma that popped up to bite unexpectedly.  

I know full well the importance of trying to deal with trauma when it happens, I work with it and I work with people affected by it, but thought that I was ok and didn't need to do so.  I thought I'd effectively dealt with mine all those years ago when it happened and that the issues were done and dusted. Essentially in many ways they have been, as I've not had any major lingering after effects from the initial incident.

Then about a month or so ago, I found myself in a situation that brought all that stuff screaming back.  Even though the situation was different, there were a few similarities, enough it seems to be somewhat of a trigger and I had a fairly big reaction to it which caught me completely off guard.  I was totally unprepared for it and couldn't believe it was happening.  I thought I was fine and had been fine for a very long time.  The initial incident was something I rarely thought about anymore.  So it was bit of an eye opener to say the least and quite a learning curve to realise I was not immune to these things that sometimes come back to haunt us, even if it's just for a short time.  

It was bit of a roller coaster ride there for a couple of weeks, but I finally did some talking about it and was given help to learn some strategies of dealing with it which I found useful and effective.  The good thing is, I also learned what my trigger point is and I know that the way I reacted was a good thing, I didn't freeze as I'd done in the initial incident and I was able to remove myself from the situation fairly quickly.  For me, it was good to know I can do that, even if it is on auto pilot.

In other goings on, my accident prone son has been at it again!  He fell off a ladder a week ago and fractured his heel.  He is in plaster for another 5 weeks and not overly appreciative as he was to start work for the ski season down at the Snowy Mountains in 3 weeks time.  He assures me he is still going down there and he wants his new employers to know he is serious about the job and will start as soon as he has a clearance.  Hopefully it all works out well for him, as he is a determined soul.

Well that's about it from me for now.  Today's pic is one I took a few weeks back out at Wellington Point.  You might be able to see the balloons in the sky.  There was a bunch of young people out there when I arrived, all holding helium balloons.  I'm guessing it was some type of memorial for a loved one. They were there for a little while before they all released their balloons at the same time.  It was such a beautiful few moments watching the balloons all rise and move across the sky.  

It was a somewhat bittersweet visit with my Mum this trip.  She remains reasonably healthy but her mind is slowly slipping away and the deterioration since I last saw her was a little more noticeable.

That said, she remains quite feisty at times and lives healthily (or not healthily, whichever you prefer) in denial for the best part.  She has an awareness of what is happening for her, still knows who people are, but prefers to think she's just a little forgetful.  

She told me her Dr said her forgetfulness only happened if she was a little over tired, that there was nothing else causing it (she hates that she has dementia, understandably!) and it was from being exhausted when she came into the nursing home.  

She went on about it a little bit and said something about it coming and going, but only when she was tired and when I gently reminded her that dementia is like that, she got a little huffy and changed the subject.  She doesn't believe that she is anywhere near as forgetful as she is.  

However, our conversations go round and round in circles, we have the same conversation many times over, sometimes within a very short space of time - it can be 3-4 times within 5 minutes if it's something short.  

But if it's something more in depth, such as stuff around my father, then that's almost on a repeating loop and we can have a longer conversation which will start all over again just after you think it's finished.

Often when you tell her things she's asked about, or wants to be reminded of, she won't like what you have to say and will deny it, saying that if what we were saying was true, there is no way she would forget something like that. Those moments can be really tough and absolutely heartbreaking.

All that said, there are moments in time when she is sharp as a tack, sometimes it's just for part of a conversation before she forgets details again but it's always nice to see.  

What I really love seeing is her sense of humour when it comes out to play. Mum has had a long term friend who is a little younger than she is and she told me a couple of funny stories involving her friend.  

Mum turned 83 yesterday on Mother's Day and early last week, her friend called earlier last week to ask whether there was anything special Mum would like for her birthday.  Mum said, yes there is actually... do you have a pen and paper handy?  I have a list.

Her friend laughed and said no, she didn't have a pen, so perhaps was there anything she needed instead.  Mum answered, well yes.. seeing as you don't have a pen, I need M O N E Y (and spelt it out) so I can get the things on the list.  Her friend replied, did you say F U N N Y? And they both had bit of a laugh before the call ended.

Late in the week Mum received a small package with a beautiful birthday card and a little gift.  When she opened the gift, it was 3 purse size packets of tissues that all had a money print on them.  One pack was of $100 bills, the others $50 dollar bills and $20 dollar bills - all printed on the tissues.   I think it was her favourite gift!

It also made her recall another prank involving a gift with this same friend some time ago.  Mum's friend had given Mum an awful hand towel for her birthday.  Later in the year, Mum packaged it up and sent it back to her friend for her friend's birthday.  Then unknown to Mum, her friend later gave it to a mutual friend as a birthday gift.  A few months on and they were having morning tea at Mum's sister's place, for her sister's birthday.  The other mutual friend gave Mum's sister a birthday gift and it was none other than the awful towel.  Apparently Mum and her friend absolutely cracked up.  

So I love hearing those funny stories and I love that Mum can still recall some of them.  It makes up for the heartbreaking moments when she is struggling to tell you something because she loses her train of thought mid sentence or struggles to remember who or what she is talking about.  

The other thing I've noticed, is she tries to cover it up and will make up stories or details that never happened if she can't recall the details.  Some of the things she has said are quite delusional, others not so bad but clearly untrue at times.  So I guess it's all about hanging on for the ride really.  

Well that's it for me for now.  I may write more tomorrow about the rest of the trip.  Hmm now what shall I put up for today's pic.  Probably another pic of NZ seeing as it's mostly those ones on this little laptop.  Cherry blossoms in Wanaka.

Good morning!  I have been awake since silly o'clock, not quite what I was wanting to do on a day that will be very long.  It's a quarter after 5 am and still dark here.  

I'm hoping to leave work a little early today and travel down to my home town of Tamworth in NSW to have a weekend visit with my Mum.  The drive usually takes me around 7.5 - 8 hrs depending how frequently I stop along the way, which is in turn dependent on how tired I am.  

Mum is turning 83 on Mother's Day (this Sunday) so is quite excited about my visit.  She was all excited last weekend too and had mixed the times up a little.  She called me around 3 pm last Saturday to see where I was.  

It's an interesting (and somewhat distressing) disease this thing called dementia.  Mum is still in the early - mid stages of it.  She knows who people are, occasionally forgets names but nothing too major.  She has an awareness of her forgetfulness but doesn't believe it's as bad as it can be and does not believe her confusion levels increase so much once she is away from all that is familiar, such as when she has had visits away with family members.  

We find some times of the day are much better for conversations with her than others and her confusion levels are higher when she's tired or feeling unwell. We have the same conversations often, over and over, sometimes in a very short space of time.  There is one particular conversation we've had many many times on an issue that causes her much grief.  Most times we speak, this particular conversation replays.  

It doesn't matter how many times things are explained or have been explained over the past 2.5 yrs, this is one particular thing can't get her head around and I truly believe it is due to the level of grief it involves for her.  She sometimes remembers the past, not quite as it was but as she would have liked it to be.  And other times, her mind is quite sharp even if it is for just the briefest of times.

I know how distressing it is for her, to know your memory is fading and to have an awareness of that.  She's always been terrified of things such as dementia or cancer.  She amazes me how feisty she still is at times.  While she struggles with her memory, you can't put one over her either.  

I love that she still has her sense of humour and lets face it, we need it at times to get through these things.  So this weekend will be full of bittersweet moments in time where I will have the opportunity to take her out of her nursing home (where the staff are wonderful and caring) for a while, laugh, talk, share a meal and hopefully put a smile in her day.

While I'm there, I will be staying with an old school friend.  We met in our first week of high school and later became good friends, never imagining we would still be close so many years later.  It turned out our mothers were friends too and had known each other when they were younger.

My friend was married recently and is blissfully happy.  Unfortunately I missed her wedding so am very much looking forward to spending time with the new Mrs H and getting to know this husband who has made her so happy.

Well that's it from me for now and I'll update once I return.  I hope you have a weekend that holds some wonder and beauty for you to enjoy, even in the little things.

The weather here in Brisbane has finally realised it's autumn and over the weekend, we had quite a cool snap.  I love the cooler weather but I have to admit, it was a sudden change.  One night I was sleeping with the fan on and two nights later, I'd dragged out a blanket and was sleeping with winter jammies.

The weather was a little cooler due to some strong cold winds, however, the wind had dropped today and it was absolutely glorious.  I went for a walk during my lunch break, it was cool but not cold, the sun was shining and it was way too nice to not be outside for at least some part of the day to enjoy.

I made the most of the cool change over the weekend and got in to do some gardening.  I really struggle with the heat and tend to hibernate a bit.  You know, the old theory if you don't move too much you can't get any hotter.  So it was blissful to be able to get outside and enjoy getting my hands dirty in the garden.  I did some weeding, pruning, put up some mesh, and planted some seedlings.  I spread it out over the two days and found a few muscles I'd forgotten about!  

Sunday I didn't actually leave my place at all but boy was I productive.  Along with the gardening and a couple of chores, I also made a couple of curries, baked some date scones and made my grandson's favourite biscuits.  I just have to drop them off now one afternoon on my way home from work.  He's very excited!

I managed to clean out a couple of kitchen cupboards.  I hadn't actually intended to do that, but went looking for something in particular and one thing led to another.  Before I knew it, 3 cupboards had been done along with a shelf in the pantry.  I mentioned the idea of de-cluttering bit by bit only recently.. and now I've started unintentionally.  How cool is that! Some down and plenty more to go, but feeling good about where I've started too.

Well that's about it from me for today.  Oh, I weighed myself this morning and after feeling really disheartened about a weight gain of a couple of kg's last week, I'm back to the starting point again this week.  These weight fluctuations drive me nuts. 

The other thing that makes it a little trickier with this cooler weather that I love, is the days are getting shorter.  I noticed most days last week that it was dark by the time I got home from work.  So I'm thinking perhaps I need to do a lunch time walk on my break from work and see how that goes.

Well that's it from me today.  I hope you have an awesome week.  

Today's pic is one I took in NZ 18 mths ago of the Moeraki Boulders.

I was having a quick re-read through some of my posts and noticed I waffle on an awful lot about how fast time flies, so I'm going to make a conscious effort not to do that anywhere near as much.  I was going to say not at all and then thought, perhaps that's not realistic as we do sometimes comment on things in passing.  For me though, it's no longer going to be every post or every other post!

This week has been an interesting week and has been bit of a roller coaster in some ways.  Hearing of a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was not a high point and as always with anything like that, it reminds you of your own mortality and reminds me I have so much to be thankful for regardless of whatever else I have going on in my life.

I am truly blessed to have so many loved ones in my life, to have a job that fulfills me and supports me, to live in an area I like where I'm close to the sea and not too far from the mountains, that I have the capacity to get away and take a break somewhere from time to time - yes I have to save up for it but I'm fortunate I can do so, that despite being overweight, I'm also reasonably healthy and that I have dreams I can pursue.  Admittedly some are bigger than others and some are more achievable than others, but that's all ok.. the fact I have hopes and dreams is a wonderful thing.

So this weekend I plan to spend less time on the computer.  I know there are things I want to do on here and follow up, especially in relation to my retreats, however, I also need the down time so I have some loose plans in place to do some gardening, spend time weeding and planting flowers herbs and veggies - not heaps, just a few.. enough for me to enjoy, make a curry, do some baking and maybe even pull out my paints.  There will of course be at least a little time spent near the water.  

I may even make a plan of where to start with some de-cluttering I've been wanting to do.  Or just start without the plan.  I'm a list person though which can be a good thing and a pesky thing at times.  I prefer to think of it as a good thing that sometimes needs a little relaxing now and then.

During the week I spent some time at another favourite place near the water. I have a few favourite places and was able to spend a little time in reflection. I know I need to make some more little changes in my life, so I'm going to start taking some baby steps towards those changes.

Today's pic was taken in Queenstown, New Zealand around 18 months ago. Have I mentioned lately how much I'm looking forward to returning to NZ later this year?  I love the place!  Enjoy your day :)

And another week has flown by!  Hard to believe it is now the 1st of May.  I seem to keep saying that, is it a sign of age?  As a child, I used to think my mother was nuts when she said how fast the year was going, now I'm finding it goes lightning fast.  When your kids start commenting how fast the year is going, that's when you feel a little old! 

All that aside, it's been another full on week both with work and home.  My work is always challenging but the political climate at the moment certainly has a huge impact.  Over the last 6-12 months particularly, it's been like a race to the bottom with our political parties as to who has the least humanity when it comes to some of our most vulnerable people seeking help.  The level of cruelty and punitive measures that have been put in place are beyond words.  Each time we've thought it surely can't get worse, it does and I find it really disturbing on so many levels that we have successive governments (and many in this govt who purport to be Christian) who think this is ok.  People who used to pay lip service about being solidly against the very things they are now introducing. It's sickening.  And makes one feel deeply ashamed of what's being done in our name.

So in an attempt to find some perspective, it's about seeing what we can do within that climate.  What are the little things we can do that may help someone get through their day and cope with their burdens and this limbo they are living in indefinitely.  And it's the little wins we have that make the difference.  For these people to know that someone cares makes a difference and even though there are restrictions on what can be done, we can be creative in finding other ways to help build their capacity, be able to live a meaningful life when so much is in turmoil for them and bring a little joy into their lives. The resilience of some of these people is both humbling and inspiring.  I feel that I'm where I'm meant to be and it encourages me to keep doing what I'm doing, making my life meaningful in some small way.  

When working with all of that, it also means my down time and self care is really important.  To take time out not only for reflection, but quite time, grounding time and some fun as well.  Last weekend I strongly felt the need to be grounded again, so took a day and went for a drive up into the mountains.  We (my friend and I) stopped at a little cafe with a magnificent view and soaked up the scenery.  It was beautiful and very relaxing.  We spent a little time driving around and enjoying the mountains.  I find so much pleasure in those simple things.

From the mountains, we went to the beach and enjoyed a light lunch before a paddle.  I love the feel of walking on the sand and the water over my feet.  A pelican came over close to join me and just seemed to be keeping me company.  The day was just what a I needed to refresh.  On that note, I will finish here and hope you're having a good week too.

Oh my, how the time flies!  I was thinking it had been around a week since my last post, but it's actually been 9 days.  So what has happened in that time?  

I had a look at a venue yesterday for the retreat I'd like to run in November. It's very close to another place I'd had in mind, however, that place has sadly closed.  This place was definitely work-able though, had good sized rooms, offered catering as well, but alas is unavailable the weekend I'd like it!  So I'm looking at a Plan B and perhaps a Plan C.

I'm also getting ready to start up a Women's Circle ~ a small gathering for women I hope to run for a couple of hours once a month.  So things are slowly but surely coming together for this dream of mine.  

I'm still enjoying the Gayatri Mantra on a daily basis, just listening to it being sung on a CD I have is very relaxing as well.  It's beautiful.  

It was great to have the break over Easter and I spent some time catching up with family and relaxing.  I didn't go away as I thought I may have done, but enjoyed the time at home.  I tried to get into some painting, but I think my head or mind was too in the way and it wasn't terribly productive or successful or satisfying.  Perhaps some mindfulness and letting things be, just getting in the moment and painting would have been better!  

I did manage to spend some time by the water, doing some reflecting and planning as well as enjoying the fresh sea air.  I'm also hoping to get away for a couple of days this weekend and have some beach time.

I'm feeling a little ticked at the moment because I'm not making any progress with my weight.  In fact, I've re-gained the little I lost.  It's such a roller coaster and never ending battle ground.  I will keep plugging away though and I realise that perhaps I need to look at the bigger picture some more.  

Making some other changes might also mean looking at my days and making time to do certain things like walk more regularly.  Also looking at being a little more mindful about meals I make, not continually getting home late and thinking I couldn't be bothered so just grabbing whatever I lay my hands on first.  I guess it's about breaking those not so good habits really.  That mindful word keeps popping up, doesn't it?  It really plays a role in every aspect of our life.

Well that's it from me for now.  Thanks for reading.  Today's pic is of a little plaque I saw in a garden at the recent retreat I had on the Sunshine Coast.

Wow, nice to see a whole bunch of readers to my last post.  Thank you for taking the time out to have a read!!

I realised after my last post that I didn't mention the business breakfast I attended last Friday.  One of the speakers was very difficult to hear but spoke about the marketing side of business and what I could hear, sounded really interesting and very relevant so it's something I'd like to chase up a little more.

A friend attended with me and from there we went to check out a venue for another retreat I'd like to run locally in October.  The grounds and the rooms were good, but I didn't quite like the feel of the place.  It was a church run place and had a very heavy Christian feel about it which is fine, but it just didn't feel right or quite appropriate for what I was looking for.  So it's back to the drawing board. 

I have made enquiries about another place and once we've finished playing phone tag, I will hopefully be able to go check it out.  

I also found another motel type place up the Sunshine Coast that I'd like to check out.  A little more expensive than I was looking for, but it may be ideal for our needs so hopefully over the Anzac weekend break I can take a peek.  I may even try to spend a night up there.  

I've had the frustrating exercise of looking for a medium sized art book that I'd written a lot of workshop idea's in, along with a children's book outline. Do you think I can find it though?  I last had it just before I went to NZ and I've been looking for it ever since I returned from the Yamba retreat.  It surely can't be too far away but I have looked and looked and looked everywhere I can possibly think of and then some.  

I'm hoping that if I can't find the book, that I at least have another big burst of inspiration so I can recall or come up with some fresh ideas that I can use. I feel the need to have a major planning session and would like to do some of that over the Easter break.  I don't mean spend the whole break on it, just a day .. or an hour here or there as the idea's come by.  

Well it's just about time for me to stop rambling here but just wanted to say that I feel a bit like I'm missing NZ at the moment.  Crazy eh?  Never lived there yet so very drawn to the place.  I was looking through some of my pics and decided to share another with you.  It was taken in Lake Wanaka heading towards Mt Aspiring.  The beauty of this place takes my breath away and I so want to spend a lengthier period of time there.  Until next time...

It's been a little while since I posted.  How is it that time goes so fast?  I know I say that often and you're probably sick of reading it.  Our lives seem to be lived at such a fast pace these days.

The weekend retreat I ran last weekend on the Sunshine Coast was lovely and went well.  It was so nice to see this bunch of women again and spend time with them, being creative, laughing, talking, sharing meals, shopping, enjoying the scenery and catching up on what's going on in our lives.

We altered the program I'd put together a little to make space for more of that catch up time.  We still did our beading workshop though and all left sporting a lovely beaded necklace we'd made.  A special memento of our weekend together.  We also did the fastest session ever on mindfulness the morning we left.  It still went well though and the women said they enjoyed it.  

The feedback I received was all positive and there's even been a suggestion to make it an annual event.  How fun will that be!

I have to say the Bella Vista Pizzeria at Mapleton is worth a visit.  The guy that waited on our table (I think he may have been the owner) was a very funny guy and had awesome people skills.  Food was great too.

Maleny Cheese Factory was delicious as always and they do great cheese and antipasto platters too.  We also went to the nearby lookout and enjoyed the spectacular views of the Glasshouse Mountains.  I think I need to go back up there in the not too distant future and enjoy those views some more.

In other news, I've now sent off my advertising cards to Altamont Lodge in Lake Wanaka where I'll be hosting my NZ retreat.  The lovely Noeline is going to have the cards at her reception for anyone who may be interested.  

Well that's about it from me for now.  Today's pic is of the Glasshouse Mountains.  Wishing you a wonderful week.

Oh my gosh, all of a sudden Friday is here!  This week has been incredibly busy and has absolutely flown.  

Today is kind of exciting though.  It will also be a bit crazy busy but I'm running my first retreat this weekend and it starts this afternoon.  Well people start arriving this afternoon and we should all be there by 9.30pm tonight.

An huge amount of planning has gone into the weekend, so I hope it all goes well from the littlest things right up to the big things.

This morning I'm also attending a business breakfast run by our local council at 6.45 am! Why not take the opportunity when I have the day off I thought.. I knew this week would be busy, but the last couple of days made me realise perhaps this wasn't the best plan to attend an early morning meeting today as it's added a little stress knowing I wouldn't have the morning to do much of the last minute stuff.

It is a learning curve for the next one.  Note to self - Ensure you have a quiet-ish weekend prior and not have too much outside of work going on in the week prior.  I've had two busy weekends leading up and a dinner on Wed night, plus just a really full work week in my day job.  So lesson learnt!

All good though really as I seem to work reasonably well under pressure and it all gets done one way or another.  I slept like a log last night, although nowhere near as much sleep as I probably should have had (given I was awake at 2.30 am yesterday after a really poor sleep) but I slept solidly from around 11.30 pm til 4.30 am this morning and have got up to finish off a few things.

I haven't yet packed my gear (as in clothes etc) or the art supplies, but not feeling too stressed about them as neither should take long. 

I will also be checking out some accommodation this morning after the meeting for another retreat I'm planning in October.  This accommodation is not far from where I live, so I'm hoping it will be in line with what I'm looking for.  Fingers crossed!

Well I best get moving.  I'll post again after the retreat!  Have a great weekend :).

   

So another day is done, I'm tired, I have 101 things still to do for this retreat starting Friday... ok, well perhaps not 101 but a few... I completed some training today that has provided me with more ideas for some workshop material, and I sit here procrastinating over writing my blog!  

There is so much going on that I want to put down, kind of a way of capturing all the excitement this year has held so far.  Of where I've been, where I'm going and all the bits in the middle.

Trouble is, I procrastinate or think I'll write it up tomorrow, then I don't do it for whatever reason and by the time I come back to it, I've forgotten half of what I was thinking of writing.  Makes so much more sense to just get in and do it!

But isn't that like anything in life?  From chores or tasks we don't like doing, errands we don't feel like running, weight we are trying to lose yet are struggling to stay on track, the meditation we were doing every day that has now slipped off the radar somewhat, and on and on it goes.  

For me, it comes back to that accountability thing again.  Ugh!  I do so well for a while, then I seem to come to a screeching halt.  Not always for any good reason, but somehow it slips off my radar.  For me, I only have to miss a day and I struggle to get back to it that next day.  If I miss two days, it's harder again and when I miss 3 days, it takes me ages to get back to it.  

I have this crazy thing of leaving deadlines til the last minute.  I will be half or 3/4's organised and those last little bits that I'm quite capable of doing earlier to ensure there is no stress around them, are the things I seem to leave... and then it's the mad crazy rush to complete them.  My to do or check list grows longer and while I usually complete what's on there, I create stress for myself by not addressing some of the things sooner.  

So recently, as in the last few weeks, I've started using my diary more and actually spreading tasks out across different days.  I wouldn't say it's working 100%... well not for the days I have them written on, however, I am finding that I'm achieving most things by the end of the week so I guess in some sense it's working in a reasonably functional way.  

I need to do that with other things too.  Like exercise, even if it's just walking a few times a week.  All well and good to say I'd like to walk 3 times a week and meditate at least every second day, but if I'm not more specific about when or don't create the time for the when, then I don't always get around to it.

And I think a lot of it comes back to that word I used earlier ~ procrastination!  I remember a tutor saying to me once that 'resistance has meaning'.  In other words, what is behind my resistance?  What is really stopping or hindering me?  What is the mind chatter that is going on?  What do I need to encourage me to stay on track?  It's interesting to delve a little deeper into these things.  For me, I often find they are fear based or involve some self doubt.

And while I know there are a handful of huge fears that take up space from time to time, I also know that I've met some of those fears head on... and managed them.  I can't say it was easy or felt good while I was meeting them, but it felt dang good after I achieved them.  

Anyways, just some reflections this evening.  Today's pic was taken from an 'ahh, look what I found!' type moment last Saturday.  Isn't that the cutest bus stop ever on the corner of Lovers Lane?  

Good heavens!  What is it with Mondays?  How do they come around so dang fast?  Can you believe it's the last day in March?  Already!

This weekend just gone held a lot of preparations for my first retreat next weekend.  Just the last minute things left to do and the programs to type up then print and we're ready to rock n roll.  How exciting and daunting!  I have to try not to think about the daunting and go with the exciting.

I also had the opportunity to catch up with a wonderful bunch of women over the weekend.  These women are a small handful I met on another women's website a long time ago and over the last few years, we started having our own little get togethers.  We live all over the city, but every 6 mths or so we catch up over lunch for some girl time.  

This weekend we went out to a little place called Fernvale where they have the best hippy or new age type shop!  A little place called L'Abundance which has lots of treasures within it's walls.  They have a facebook page too if you're interested in taking a peek.

From there we went to a little cafe at Wivenhoe Dam.  What a beautiful place! I've never been there before but will certainly be going again.  

I can't say the weight thing is going well at the moment.  It's stable, just not shifting.  Sigh.  I know the issue is more movement and finding time, no, making time is what I need to do.  I also need to get back into the daily meditation because that's slipped too.  

I'm thinking I might go back to putting things in my diary and on my calendar as they seem to work for me.  Just the little reminders.

Anyways, I best get moving and head off to that place they call work.  Have an awesome day!

PS.. today's pic is of Wivenhoe Dam.

How time flies!  I've done it again.. left you alone for days on end... how rude?  What self respecting blogger would do that?  Hmm one that gets busy and distracted and sometimes thinks about the blogging but by the time she thinks of it, is yawning and ready for bed.  I know, sad excuse but true.

So what has happened since I last wrote?  Well a whole heap!!  Sadly, I can't say that 2 kgs I lost while on I was on leave has stayed off... 1kg has crept back on again.  That whole eating regularly thing and moving more makes such a difference!  What I'm eating hasn't really changed too much, but it's not always at regular hours and I'm not moving as much due to my work hours, the fact I have an office job and spend up to 3 hrs a day in the car getting to and from work.  

I do try and get out for a walk at some point during the work day and use the stairs wherever possible, but clearly it's not quite enough.  Plus the irregular meals, particularly later evening meals, probably doesn't help at all.

I've not been keeping up with my meditation of late either and need to get back in the habit of doing it daily, however, I do usually find myself chanting the Gayatri Mantra in the car while I'm driving.  I agree it's probably not the best place to do it, but it passes the time and I feel like I'm getting the benefit of it albeit in not the right way.

Going back to work was full on too.  Stay away from that place a few days to a week and all sorts of things change!  Being away for 10 days can bring even bigger changes.  Gotta love the field I work in.  I've learnt awesome change management skills along the way!  It keeps me on my toes and the job is always interesting.

Last weekend, I took my 5 yr old grandson to Underwater World on the Sunshine Coast as a belated birthday present.  I picked him up on Friday night for a sleep over so we could head up the next morning once we were awake and moving.  My can that little boy talk!  I'm not sure he even draws breath at times.  Very cute and very funny too.  

At one stage I asked him to repeat himself because I didn't quite catch what he said.  He speaks softly at times.  He looked at me and said something along the lines of..'oh Mardi, it's a good thing you're not quite really old yet otherwise you mightn't hear me at all!' I wasn't quite sure what to think of that one but it sure gave me a giggle.

He had a great time on our little adventure and finally flaked out and slept the whole way home.  I dropped him off and then picked up my youngest granddaughter for a couple of hours.  She is such a little darling and just melts me.  Needless to say, I was very ready for bed that night!

Sunday was spent catching up on chores and then Sunday evening was off to the Jazz Club to hear my friend's band play.  Aside from his own band, he's also a part of a large band and they played a set in the middle of his concert. A fantastic night as always and awesome musicians.  I could listen to my friend play all night.  

Tonight's pic is of my friend and I after his gig.  Not the best pic and unexpectedly taken by another friend who'd come along for the night, but kind of nice to have a pic though given we've known each other a few years now and have never gotten around to that.

Lots more happening but I'll save that for another night otherwise you may doze off while reading.  Or need reading glasses!  Thanks if you made it this far.

PS.. it's only about 8 days until my first retreat yikes!!  I'm excited and anxious about it all in one.  Hopefully it goes well.